Hump. Day.

Hi everyone. Here's Kyle Orton at the Union Bar in Iowa City, courtesy of www.deadspin.com and my buddy KRock. Kyle Orton and I have two things in common: We both drank a lot of liquor at the Union Bar in Iowa City in the last five days, and neither of us can hit an NFL receiver in stride with the football. Okay, enough...I'm just kidding Kyle. I'm still holding out hope that armed with the best defense in football in the worst division in history, you may be able to win almost as many games as you lose. Okay, now it's really enough.

Ramblings for today, since nothing really noteworthy has gone on that I would like to focus on:

1) The assisted suicide debate is raging at the Supreme Court, and Chief Justice Roberts is wasting no time asserting himself. Republicans always want to say that they are for smaller government and less personal intrusions on people's lives, yet they always eschew their chances to prove it. Why can't a mentally competant but terminally ill person who wishes to die ensure that such death will be painless by enlisting the help of a competant medical professional? It doesn't seem like something that the government should regulate, especially when permissive laws were passed by referendum, as they were in Oregon. It's a personal decision, and the right to make that decision was affirmed by a vote of the people (the ABCNEWS poll is now 85% in favor of the Oregon law.). Small government advocates, step up. This is a chance to put your money where your mouth is.

2) MMMMM, celebrity gossip- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a baby. I wonder what Scientology has to say about being married three times by age 43, having a kid with someone half your age outside of any of those marriages, and professing to be an expert on the history of psychiatry without any formal education in it whatsoever.

3) That is one hungry snake- A 13-foot Burmese python exploded after trying to ingest a six-foot alligator whole, killing both animals. Are you kidding me? I would LOVE to have seen that fight before he swallowed the gator.

4) Michelle Wie turned pro today, and started things off right by donating $500,000 to the U.S. Golf Hurricane Relief Fund. She would have already made about $640,000 in winnings this year, and will make about $10 million a year in endorsements, so I think turning pro was the right call. I would like to see her play fewer men's events and more ladies events, however, and it's not a sexist thing. It's just that she's never won an LPGA event, and has yet to seriously compete on a week-in, week-out basis with the best women players. Would we support an 16-year old athlete in any sport who had never consistently won at the high school, college or minor league level immediately jumping to the pros just because some sponsors of the league allowed him or her into the league? Of course not. Michelle Wie should prove she can win in women's golf, and if that is no longer a challenge, then she should compete with the men. But it's ridiculous to get killed out there by the men (she's never made a cut) when she has exactly zero LPGA victories. That being said, I love her swing and admire her natural abilities in a game that is tremendously complicated, difficult, and frustrating.

Finally, it's the LongMan's birthday party this Saturday and we are trying to come up with something fun to do after the Iowa-Purdue game. Any suggestions? The bowling alleys are all full, and it's getting too late to get a private party at a bar. Let's hear some creative ideas. Bar crawl? Theme party? Post a comment here or email me.

It's a beautiful day, and week, here in Chicago. It feels more like June than October. The forecast for the rest of the week and this weekend is mostly sunny with a 95% chance of wildness and immature antics. Hope to see you out there.

T