Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Memo to the Big Ten: Come Get Some

And it looks like our guys may get some after the game, as well. The Hawks laid a woodshed beating on Indiana last night 73-60, which ran their home record to 11-0. Iowa was led by a strong performance from the above-pictured Adam Haluska, who chipped in 20 points, 10 boards, and played solid defense all night as well. And let it be known that the co-eds at Iowa reward a good outing. And I love the expression on the young lady's friend in the lower left-hand corner. As if she didn't know it was coming. I just hope they don't share a room...

It's a big win for the Hawks, as it comes on the heels of one of the worst beatings in modern Hawkeye history. Last Saturday's 30-point embarrassment at Michigan State could have been a season-turning game, as we have a very tough road ahead, but Iowa knows that the key to competing in the Big Ten is to hold serve at home and steal a couple of games on the road. Next up is yet another ranked opponent, #16 Ohio State, in Carver-Hawkeye Arena. If we can pull off another big home win, I think it will push us back into the rankings, give our fans some energy going into the last stretch of the regular season, and give our team confidence for the 6 of our last 9 games that come on the road.

This team seems almost unbelieveably schizophrenic. One day they can get blown out by 30, shoot 1-18 from downtown, and the next they shoot 69% in the second half, hold the #11 team in the nation to a season low shooting percentage, and start the second half with a 14-0 run? It's hard to know what to make of this team. But they are definitely playing good enough to make me want to watch. Go Hawks.

T

Monday, January 23, 2006

Weekend Recap: Evening Edition

I am about as busy right now as I've ever been at work, so the content this week may be sporadic. But highlights from the weekend that was:

Friday I went to this place for the first time; I thought the menu definitely left a little to be desired, but the wine list is good, the service was great, and the atmosphere was just right for a wine bar. Props. Also had a couple of drinks afterward here, which is a good little find as well.

Saturday night gave inspiration to yet another chapter of my unfinshed novel: "Sketchy Decisions and Sketchier Memories: One Man's Journey through a Lifetime of All-You-Can-Drink Specials". The scene of the crime this time was a familiar haunt. Bar traffic was low; hence we gained maximum value during the AYCD hours. Afterward, I headed downtown to a bar that I won't be returning to in the near future. It was my maiden voyage there and I think I saw enough. Needless to say, I unloaded with both barrels on Saturday night and finished the night in usual fashion: leaning against my bathroom wall, muttering "Why do you do this to yourself?" I guess you can take the kid out of the college, but you can't take the college out of the kid.

Quick hit thoughts on the AFC and NFC championship game (both of which stunk):

NFC: Matt Hasselbeck, not Shaun Alexander, is making the Seattle offense go right now. I thought he did a great job dictating the tempo of the game, keeping Carolina on its heels, and making sure that the Seahawks left no doubt. Alexander looked a step slow (despite 132 tough yards), especially on the edge. That defense is playing well right now, keyed by strong play by Lofa Tatupu and Michael Boulware. Carolina was just too beat up going into the game, with no running backs to speak of (even Nick Goings got knocked out of the game after gaining two total yards) and Dan Morgan also didn't last too long. You can't beat Seattle, in Seattle, with half of your team. You probably can't beat them anywhere with half of your team. Steve Smith was a non-factor, and he only got that punt return all the way to the house because of a block in the back. You're better than that, Ed Hochuli.

AFC: Denver really laid an egg on Sunday. Jake the Mistake turned it over four times; credit an attacking Pittsburgh defense led by Joey Porter and Larry Foote. I love how the Steelers are playing right now- focused, energetic but not wound too tight, mistake free and even-keel. Sunday's win was their 7th in a row, and they had to have every single one (remember, they were 7-5 and on the outside looking in for the playoffs). They started their Super Bowl run a month early and it seems they have forgotten how to lose. Also, I have to say that Denver's secondary is just putrid. John Lynch, as most people know, is pretty much worthless in coverage. Domonique Foxworth probably was the worst player on the field on Sunday. Champ Bailey is a good player but was a non-factor in the game (and Cedrick Wilson embarrassed him on that slant-corner for a TD in the first half). Overall, when the front four don't get pressure, the Denver secondary looks like the football team from the Denver Asthmatic School for the Blind out there. Big Ben exposed that unit.

After seeing these two games, I have to say that Pittsburgh is playing better than any team in the league right now. For what it's worth, I think Seattle is the best team in the NFC too, but they can't stand up to this blitzing 3-4 defense with all-world safety Troy Polamalu helping against the run and in coverage. And, the Seahawks have to go out and try to stop Fast Willie, the Bus, and Big Ben with all those quality receivers. It's too much. And don't forget that Pittsburgh has two of the best play-calling coordinators in the business with Ken Whisenhunt and Dick LeBeau too, and throw in the fact that the Super Bowl is basically going to be a home game for the Steelers. Pittsburgh is nearby and those fans love to travel. I have the Steelers by a least a touchdown in the Big Game. The Bus retires with a ring in his hometown, and Big Ben becomes the youngest Super Bowl-winning QB ever.

That's all for now. Back to work. Have a great week.
t

Friday, January 20, 2006

Scattered Thoughts: Friday Afternoon Edition

No running theme to today's post, it's just Friday afternoon and almost time to pack it in for the week. It's been a busy, busy week for me and it looks to get worse in coming weeks. Here are a few items that caught my fancy today:


1) I'm getting with the times and finally having an HD cable box with DVR installed this weekend. I like TV, no doubt about it. And when you're in my line of work, it's basically impossible to watch a show regularly during the week, because you never know when you're going to be at work all night. Plus it's just tough to make it home on time. DVR will fix that. I'll have an endless supply of Family Guy, Arrested Development, and all the other stuff that I like to watch. I hear that it is life-changing. I'm glad I'm finally getting with the program.

2) Great story about the defense-minded Hawkeye basketball team, and how our state is going to send three teams to the NCAA tourney. Always like to see us on the front page of ESPN.com.

3) Whether you're for the war, or against the war, we can all agree: Shut up, Star Jones. You are on notice.

4) Brokeback Mountain is No. 1 in America. I still haven't seen it, but it's first on my list right now. There are a million movies I've missed in the last few months. Blame it on the hectic holiday schedule and a busy start to the new year at work. Screwsan has some words of praise for the Ang Lee blockbuster, which took home four Golden Globes this week.

Aside on the Globes: I really don't care what the Hollywood foreign press thinks, but I like this awards show because it's a dinner event, so half of the people are loaded and saying or doing funny things by the end. Here's a game: See how many bottles of champagne you can count every time they show a nominee in the audience. The numbers can be staggering.

5) Hilarious episode about how Isiah Thomas wants to beat up my favorite sports writer, Bill Simmons.

6) "In this division, it's all about Chicago now." You damn skippy, Brad Childress.

7) A bad idea, but wouldn't you do the same?

8) Finally, 62 days until the Bachelor Party to end all Bachelor Parties. We have a roster of 12 highly motivatated gentlemen bound for Amsterdam in March, with at least two more to be added in the next couple of days. It promises to be a perfect storm of gregarious personalities, bad judgment, and a celebratory atmosphere in a foreign environment. My excitement is only tempered by my legitimate fear that someone is going to irreparably harm their health, criminal record or political future. It will be very difficult to restrain this group in any way, shape, or form. Imagine pulling the reins on a team of Clydesdales, only the Clydesdales are drunk, hyperactive, totally irresponsible, and haven't slept in three days.

It's safe to say that we won't be doing anything for America's reputation abroad.

Have a great weekend.
t

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Bears: Season in Review


The sting of the shocking playoff loss to the Carolina Panthers has subsided enough to post my season in review for the Pride and Joy of Illinois. Although it ended in terrible fashion, we have a lot to be proud of and a lot to look forward to.

Highlights: NFC North Champions, 11-5 regular season record, 5-1 divisional record, #2 Seed and Week 1 bye in the 2006 Playoffs, 6 Pro Bowl Selections.

Lowlights: Week 3 loss to Bengals (5 INTs), Week 4 loss to Browns, Opening Day loss to Redskins, Rex Grossman's preseason injury, and playoff loss to Carolina.

Things to look forward to in 2006: Every defensive starter is signed through at least 2006 except Hunter Hillenmeyer (and we can match any offer for him), Rex Grossman's progress through a healthy off-season, the return of Mark Bradley to the receiving corps, adding depth on offense in the draft, and every other NFC North team starting over with a new head coach next season. We should be the prohibitive favorites in the division in 2006.

2006 Prediction: You can see our opponents, although not the exact schedule, here. We only play one tough road game next year, at Foxboro against the Patriots. Other than that, it's just the divisional games, the Cardinals, the Rams, the Jets, and a mystery NFC East team. The home schedule is soft too, with the Bills, 49ers, Dolphins, and an NFC South team coming to Soldier Field. The toughest game at home should be the Seahawks. I'm going to predict another 11-5 season, which will win the division and get us a home playoff game once again. It's the first time in a while that I have felt genuinely optimistic this early about our chances to be an elite NFC team in the coming season. It's a good feeling.

THE 2005 PUBLIC OFFERING AWARDS SECTION:

The Walter Payton Award for the Most Valuable Player: Brian Urlacher. The NFL's Defensive MVP, the heart and soul of the best defense in football, and an off-the-field leader. He is a fast, remorseless tackling machine who plays the game with hate in his heart. Nothing more needs to be said.

The Jonathan Quinn Award for the Least Valuable Player: Kyle Orton. I know he is a rookie, but we don't factor in experience at the Offering, just performance. Lowest QB rating in the NFL, abysmal TD/INT ratio, absolutely no pocket presence, terribly inaccurate, and he made our offense one-dimensional at best and utterly anemic at worst. People need to realize that we won in spite of Orton, not because of him. Around here, you get zero points for "managing games" and "avoiding killer mistakes". In basketball, you don't praise centers for not missing dunks, and in baseball, you don't praise pitchers for not beaning hitters. Because it's part of the job. Honorable mention to Cedric Benson, for his holdout and lack of production.

The Willie Parker Award for Most Pleasant Surprise: Tie, between Tommie Harris and Nate "The Interceptor" Vasher. We knew both of these guys were good, but we didn't know that they were "best in the conference" good. Nobody is a bigger disruption up front than Tommie Harris, and he makes it impossible to double-team our great defensive ends. And besides authoring the longest play in NFL history this year, Nate Vasher quite simply intercepts everything thrown his way. They have to hold him down on the sidelines during pre-game so he doesn't go out there and intercept the coin flip. Honorable mention to Thomas Jones, who had a great year despite facing 8 in the box on every play.

The Ryan Leaf Award for Least Pleasant Surprise: Mushin Muhammed. I realize that he didn't have a great situation coming into this year, with Orton at the helm and facing a lot of double teams, but 4 TDs while coming in second in the league in dropped passes? That's not acceptable. Moose, we're thrilled to have you in Chicago and that won't change. But you're better than that, and we need to see it.

The Reese Morgan Award for Best Assistant Coach: Ron Riveria. He runs the best, most efficient, most opportunistic defense in the NFL, and he almost always finds a way.

The Ryan Hansen Award for Best Special Teams/Role Player: Brendon Ayanbadejo. Our special teams missile was around the ball all year and while you may not know him, he made a huge contribution in an underrated phase of the game. Brad Maynard was in contention until he absolutely laid a turd in the playoffs. Shanked punts of 13 and 19 yards when we were already losing the field position game? Inexcusable.

The Chad Hutchinson "Don't Let the Door Hit Your Ass on the Way Out" Award: Bobby Wade. This man did nothing for us except hand the ball to the other team. I'd let him stick around to carry Urlacher's jock, but he'd probably fumble it three times. Good riddance.

The Dick Butkus "You're in the United States of the Chicago Bears and our Chief Export is Pain" Award: Lance Briggs. This man decleated people at every possible opportunity and played at a Pro Bowl level all year long. He is the Pain Train, and opposing running backs had first class tickets on the express each and every week.

The Terrell Owens Ass Clown of the Year Award: Tie between Olin Kreutz and Fred Miller. I know it wasn't a big deal, but to get drunk at an FBI shooting range, pop off some of the hardware, and then get into a fistfight than lands one of you on the DL is a little much for in-season antics. We don't need that. Honorable mention to Cedric Benson for holding out through training camp and then complaining about playing time.

The Vince Lombardi Best Coaching Decision of the Year Award: To Lovie Smith for the gameplan in the Week 11 Carolina game and the Week 15 Falcons game. Both must win games, both very difficult matchups, and both utilized masterful coaching.

The Mike Martz Worst Coaching Decision of the Year Award: Also to Lovie Smith, for insisting on using Charles Tillman and Chris Thompson to cover Steve Smith in the playoff game. His rationale? "Our corners cover a side, not a receiver." When an opposing receiver has 100 yards in the first quarter in a playoff game, it's time to change the rules. Nate Vasher can intercept a receiver's mouthguard before it gets into his mouth. Use your best players to make the toughest plays.

The Britney Spears "Used to Be Hot" Award: Mike Green. Lost his job to a rookie, didn't perform well when he got another chance, and in general, is our fourth best safety on his good days. 2001-2002 seems like a long time ago.

The Maria Sharapova Rookie of the Year Award: Maria Sharapova is in her rookie year of consenting age, and Chris Harris is the Offering's Rookie of the Year on the Bears. Instinctive, hard-hitting, lots of upside, takes losses hard, and in general is a great contributor. His breakout game was his 8 tackle, two INT, two pass breakup performance at Green Bay. Welcome to the show, kid. We're happy to have you.

The Mike Ditka Bear Down Chicago Bears Award: This award goes to the player that most epitomizes the Chicago Bear attitude, both on the field and off, and is the player that I would want to represent this franchise for any reason. This year, it goes to Mike Brown and Brian Urlacher. These two guys play hurt, demand nothing less than a supreme effort from all their teammates, hit hard, provide energy and leadership, and aren't afraid to take responsibility for how the team performs. They are my Bears of the Year. We're lucky to have them both, despite some injury problems over the last couple of seasons. When you play as hard as they do, you get hurt. Brian Urlacher is the best overall defender in the league right now, and when Brown is healthy, there isn't a better all-around safety.

Time to close the door on the 2005 season. It was a great one and I'm proud to be a Bears fan.

And now, without further ado...Go Cubs. It's our year.

t

Monday, January 16, 2006

Beartrapped, and a day fit for a King


Well, the pictures say it all. Steve Smith tore through the Chicago Bears defense like he was invisible yesterday, and the Bears dreams of a trip to Detroit ended in sickening fashion. The Bears didn't play particularly well in any phase of the game, especially in the first half. Charles Tillman fell down on the second play from scrimmage, and with no safety help over the top, Smith broke free for a 59-yard touchdown (which raises the question, why is our second-best cornerback playing Smith with no double team coming from the second level? Why aren't we shading our safeties to Smith's side in case the corner gets burned at the line?).

Things didn't improve all that much after that. Smith finished with 12 catches for 218 yards and two scores, as well as another 26 on the ground. That means in two games this year against Chicago, Smith has racked up an almost comical 26 catches for 387 yards, two touchdowns, and well over 400 total yards from scrimmage. He is maybe 5'9", and he is the only player that the Bears couldn't stop this year. Ridiculous. I am very sad to see the year end this way. It's exactly like 2001...an overachieving team that has an anemic offense and is carried by a big-play defense lays an egg at home in the first playoff game. I hated to see the front seven disappear like they did yesterday, especially after eating the Carolina offense alive last time around. Next year seems like a long way off.

Three biggest keys to the loss:

3) Slow start on offense. If your defense gives up early points, you have to be able to answer. Rex Grossman started 0-6 and 3-14 for two yards. That doesn't get the job done.

2) We lost the field position game. When you go 3-and-out for almost an entire half, your defense is going to give up points no matter how good they are. The Bears are simply not built to play from behind. We can't afford to go down 10 early and play the whole game on our side of the field, like we did.

1) Of course, the career day by Smith. Our corners have done a great job all year containing receivers, keeping everything in front of them, and avoiding the big play. We didn't do that yesterday, and it was most certainly the reason we lost.

Well, football is officially over for Chicago fans. Although we have the championship games and the Super Bowl ahead of us, is there any team to get excited about? Does anyone care about a Denver-Seattle Super Bowl? I don't. Pitchers and catchers report in a month. I'm just waiting for that day so I can wash the taste of defeat out of my mouth and focus on a great 2006 campaign by the Cubs.




In other news, happy Martin Luther King Day. I don't have the day off of work, but many of you do and although you're probably spending it having fun, take a second to think about MLK and the uphill battle that he fought bravely for such a long time. Here are a few MLK thoughts for you, straight from the man himself:

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."

"The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood."

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

"When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative."

And lastly,

"The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers."

My generation is really too young to truly identify with the civil rights movement in this country, but as someone who absolutely loves being a witness to history, there are a lot of moments I wish I had been around to see. Which ones would you like to have been a part of? Check out this timeline to see what went down and this list of all the historic venues of the movement.

Finally here is the site for Veterans of the Civil Rights Movement, with stories, anecdotes, and lots of other information about what happened in this truly fascinating period of our history.

I hope that you all have a great day off. I doubt that anyone would deny that we still have a long, long way to go in terms of equality and civil rights in this country, but when you consider the state of affairs before Martin Luther King, Jr. and the civil rights movement, it's encouraging to think about how far we've come.

T

Friday, January 13, 2006

Rants and Raves- Fritaturday Edition

It's almost go time. Fritaturday is what happens when the whole weekend sort of blends into one long, hyperactive blowout. This weekend is going to be one of those, because TheGirl is throwing a bachelorette party for her pal and thus I am being left to my own devices until we return to work on Monday (for some of you, Tuesday).

First though, a little Martin Luther King trivia: What Beatles song is a metaphor for the civil rights movement? Answer at the end of this post.

Rants:

1) Scummy lobbyists. Does anyone without $5 million to spend on influence have a voice in government anymore? Both parties are guilty. Wag of the finger to both of you.

2) Stealing my email address. I've been receiving "returned mail: service unavailable" messages lately, showing me that someone is using a POP mail server or like device to pretend that I am spamming people. Stop that, you dumb jerks.

3) School shootings. We are the only country in the world with this problem. I don't know why, but I'm not sending my kids to school abroad some day, so cut it out.

Raves:

1) Lots of good press for that nasty Bear defense. I can't tell you the last time I was so anxious for an NFL game. Might I say January 26, 1986?

2) Landmark on Halsted. Great space, great eye candy, and not smoky. Tip of the cap to you, Landmark.

3) Troop withdrawal. I'm not getting into the pros and cons of the war in Iraq here, but I will say that no more troops dying is an unqualified good thing.

4) All-you-can-drink. I'm hitting one tonight at Murphy's Bleachers. Like K-Rock says, they allow you to indulge in the great Chicago nightlife for a fixed price, which is great considering that my 401K plan has kicked in and I am now working with 20% less disposable income each and every day.

Fritaturday is upon us, so it's time for me to sign off. Have a great weekend, and let's BEAR DOWN, Chicago.

Answer to trivia question: Blackbird.

More on civil rights on Monday.
T

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Loyalty, Fraud, and Pigs that Glow in the Dark

First thing's first on this bright, beautiful Thursday in Chicago: Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz is staying right where he belongs. Iowa fans can breathe a long sigh of relief that we get our coach back for at least one more season. With Drew Tate coming into his senior year, 16 starters returning, and some excellent young athletes coming off redshirt seasons, expectations will be (justifiably) high next year and dealing with a new coaching staff would have been difficult. Although I can see why coach Ferentz would want to move to the NFL: bigger city, more money, higher profile, a new challenge, more resources, no NCAA regulations, etc, etc, there is also a compelling argument for staying, and apparently he knows it too.

Iowa City is a great little town (where $1.5 million buys a lot), he has started a culture of winning in the football program, we contend for the Big Ten title pretty much every year (won at least a share two of the last four), we've had four straight January bowl games, a sold out stadium, and coach Ferentz has a chance to retire as the anointed king of Iowa for all eternity. He is beloved in my home state and it would crush his fan base to see him leave for the pros.

Thanks for staying, coach.


Now on to other things.
My friend Susan gave her take on the whole scandal involving James Frey's book A Million Little Pieces, which is a memoir about the depths to which the author sank when battling various addictions to drugs.

Personally, I think it's pretty disingenuous to call anything a memoir that contains parts that are embellished or just plain made up out of whole cloth. Frey obviously had a tough journey in recovering from addiction. I don't deny that. But it smells like he saw an opportunity that he wanted to capitalize on, but knew that his book would sell better if his past was more violent and filled with despair, so he made up entire parts (or at least episodes) to make the book more marketable. That's fine. But if you're going to do that, call it fiction and tout it as being "based on the life of the author." Millions of people were inspired by his story, in large part because they believed he conquered numerous situations that seemed hopeless. It's not inspiring when those situations never happened. It's dangerously close to fraudulent. That's my two cents. I made further comments on Susan's blog.

Two families are leasing themselves out on ebay. The lucky winner gets five years of service from the families, from cooking to autobody service. The price? $1.5 million. They've already been contacted by an agent. I'm thinking my price would be more in the $100-$200 range.

This is an excellent and practical use of science.

We love prescription drugs in this country. I am serious when I say that while I'm sure there are lots that I would like, I think the only prescription drug I have ever taken is Amoxicillan.

And finally, we're getting a little closer to a bird flu pandemic. I'm not worried yet though.

Have a good Thursday. We're almost to the weekend.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Welcome New Visitors

TGIF everyone. I'd like to give a quick shout out to the astonishing number of new visitors to the Offering that we have gotten in recent weeks. I'm sure that word of mouth combined with my saavy prose, quick wit, and sharp insight on all manner of sports and political issues is the best explanation for the surge in Offering attendance lately, but I do admit that there may be another reason: my Jenn Sterger post. For those that came here after Googling that FSU vixen, I hope you enjoyed the links, and if you are aware of any more, feel free to drop me a line and I'll add them to the post as well as give you props.

It's Friday and the weekend is upon us. We'll be keeping a close eye on the state of Prime Minister Ariel Sharon (and ignoring what the morons say about his stroke) as well as the big wild-card matchups in the NFL, which will determine who gets to be Bear food next Sunday against the beloved.

A few more Friday odds and ends, just for fun:

Memo to Kate Moss: The world already thinks you're a vapid, coked-out freak show. Don't make it worse.

Memo to Taiwan: If you don't want the pandas, we'll take them. They're furry and cute.

Memo to my fellow Chicagoans: We did it! Unlike the White Sox World Series Championship, being the Fattest City in America is something that we can actually be proud of. It shows that we're not afraid to live the good life. I'm going to do my best to help us repeat in 2006.

Memo to the GOP: Watch your back. This election year could a fascinating one.

Have a great weekend.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Texas Two-Step


The last two BCS games have caused most of the football-watching world to sleepwalk through the work week, but this last one was worth it. Texas and its inVinceable quarterback Vince Young toppled the Evil Empire last night by the slimmest of margins, as Young put up a 200/200 passing and rushing game and scored the winning touchdown almost untouched from the 9-yard line with 19 seconds to go. A great finish to a great bowl season. Our hats are off toYoung and the entire Texas squad, who came in with none of the hype and few believers, and derailed what could have been one of the best-remembered college football dynasties every to step out on the field.

We at the Offering don't feel bad for Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush. I'm sure that the pain of this loss will be mitigated by focusing the rest of the year on partying, a cakewalk class schedule, and weekly trysts with gorgeous USC and Hollywood co-eds before signing for about $50 million apiece in the 2006 NFL draft. You don't get any sympathy for that.

Other coverage of the Rose Bowl and college football at large: Sports Guy's running diary of the game, a blog explaining why this game doesn't justify wasting a top pick on Vince Young, and "Sneering" Stewart Mandel's top 10 college football teams for 2006.

Personally, I don't think Vince Young should stay in college. His draft status can't get any higher, he's leaving after a perfect game on the ultimate stage, and if he waits around another year, pro scouts will dissect that throwing motion and may reconsider. Plus, he'll be tough for the Hawkeyes to contain when they get to the national title game next year.

Speaking of the Hawkeyes, here's a little mea culpa from the incompetant Conference USA crew that botched the Iowa-Florida bowl game on Monday. Thanks for the apology, guys. Now if you could just head down to Florida and convince all those recruits that we lost on Monday to come to Iowa anyway, we'll be even steven.

And one more Iowa note, the Hawks open up the Big Ten season tonight with a tough roadie at Wisconsin. It's going to be a dogfight in the Big Ten this year, with lots of good teams but nobody that seems dominant yet. And don't worry, Illinois fans: your team will come down to earth soon enough.

And just for fun, here's a gallery of star athletes and their tattoos. My favorite tat these days is the "Lights Out" light switch on Shawn Merriman's forearm.

Have a great Thursday. The weekend's almost here.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Monday Recap: Tuesday Hangover Edition

As I emerge from a stuporous haze that was the long New Year's weekend, I believe it is safe to say that my life is now going to be a year or two shorter. Yikes. There were some ups and downs this weekend, so let's start with the ups:

1) New Year's Eve: It was great, with the exception of my total brutality. Champagne tasting at 7:30 until about 10:30 or so, and then off to Pint on Milwaukee for the party. I had a little too much party early on in the evening, and exhibited some flu-like symptoms later. Not impressive, and my condition did not allow me to have a lot of memorable social interaction at the main event. I am disappointed in myself for not fully enjoying such a fun event such as New Year's Eve. Awesome Rating: 7.75/10. I still had a lot of fun.

2) Sunday- New Year's Eve, Part II: An afternoon hangover brunch was just what the doctor ordered, and the crew grubbed at my house while we watched the Bears game. Then K-Rock and I tied it on in unsubtle fashion at a variety of establishments on Southport into the wee hours. I had a good old time on a night that was surprisingly lively considering it was January 1st. Awesome Rating: 8/10.

3) Monday- New Year's Eve, Part III: The crew assembled at my place at 7:15 AM Monday morning to begin preparations for the final football outing of the year as our beloved Hawkeyes were taking on Florida at the ungodly hour of 10:00 AM. We polished off the last, and highly symbolic, bottle of Dizzle along with the remains of the NYE supplies, got to the bar at 8:30, and were joined by an enormous and rowdy crew of Hawk fans. Great times for our last hurrah to the 2005 season. Already looking forward to 2006. Awesome Rating (excluding game outcome): 9/10.

And now for the downs:

3) The Bears got killed in the regular season finale against the Vikings, but rested all the starters and will be pretty darn healthy for the Divisional Playoff game in two weeks at Soldier Field. The defense lost the #1 ranking on the last day of the season, but we all know what this unit has done for the team, and we don't care about stats. We accomplished our main goal Sunday, which was get out of the Metrodome without any injuries. Awesome Rating: 3/10.

2) The Big Ten stinks at bowl games. With losses piling up and Wisconsin and Ohio State posting the only victories in the bowl season, our conference isn't doing a lot to garner national respect. The most embarrassing losses so far have been Michigan's loss to unranked Nebraska and Virginia handling Minnesota with the air attack. Right now we're 2-4 with Penn State yet to play. Let's try to maintain a little dignity here. Awesome Rating: 1/10.

1) The Hawkeyes were victims of sloppy defense, bad special teams play, and several TERRIBLE calls in a 31-24 defeat to Florida. There were a lot of things that went badly for the Hawks yesterday morning, so I'll just mention my three worst aspects and the three worst calls, and let you find out the rest. It's just too painful to bring up everything here.

Three worst things about the Hawks game:

3) We couldn't stop the run. When you can run at will, the pass opens up and then Chris Leak and Co. will kill you. And that's what they did.

2) Giving up big plays. A blocked Iowa punt that was returned for a TD, an INT return for a TD, and worst of all, a demoralizing TD drive in the final minute of the first half. We should have been down 17-10 at the half at worst; instead, it was 24-7.

1) Lack of execution. We missed a ton of tackles, managed 64 yards rushing, had to throw 55 times, couldn't stop a fake punt that Florida had the gall to try on their own 19-yard line (and the drive that was extended eventually resulted in a touchdown), and in general, executed our blocks and protections poorly. It's disappointing not only because it was the biggest factor in the loss, but because we finished the regular season playing our best football and Iowa is known for having solid fundamental execution in the three most important areas of the game: blocking, tackling, and minimizing mistakes. We looked lost out there.

Now, I know that officiating wasn't the only cause of the Iowa loss, but this was absolutely inexcusable. The Conference USA team did a TERRIBLE job officiating this game, most notably on a few key plays that didn't go Iowa's way. This is NOT sour grapes, and the ESPN crew calling the game pointed out the fallacy of each and every one of these calls (as did the replay, which clearly showed the error, but there was no review of any of them). With the possible exception of the Iwebema penalty, these were not disputed calls. They were plain wrong.

Here are my three worst calls of the game:

3) Kenny Iwebema's roughing personal foul in the first half. Ridiculous. He didn't throw Leak into the ground, he didn't hit him late, he just hit him. It was clean, and everyone knew it.

2) The out-of-bounds call on Ed Hinkel's first down catch in the first half. He was clearly in bounds, in the air, with room to spare between his body and the sideline. He was pushed out of bounds by a Florida defender and the pass was called incomplete. Ridiculous. And you can guess what happened after that call. Fourth down, an Iowa punt, and a Florida touchdown.

1) The inexcusable, idiotic, and plainly wrong offsides call on the last kickoff of the game. With 1:22 remaining and the Hawks down 31-24, they attempted and recovered an onside kick, leaving about 40 yards to paydirt that would tie the game (or give the Hawks a chance to win if they go for 2). The referees called Chad Greenway for being offsides when the ball was kicked, when the replay showed that he was CLEARLY at least a step behind the ball.

Did that call decide the game? No. There is no guarantee that we would have scored 7 points on that last drive. But we were driving the ball very well at that point (17 fourth quarter points) and the officials robbed Iowa of a legitimate chance to tie the game on a call that is rarely used and very easy to distinguish between a penalty or no penalty. The ref is standing on the line of scrimmage. It's easy to see if a player runs ahead of the kick. Greenway didn't. Iowa was robbed of a chance to complete a phenomenal comeback. We got screwed with our pants on, and it's sad to see a game end like that. Awesome Rating: 0.00/10.


In other news, I'm starting my first axe class at this place tonight, so my budding rock star career has gotten a boost. I'll let you know when my first album comes out.

Okay, Happy New Year everyone. The year is off to an inauspicious start for me, but that's largely a product of my own indulgence in New Year's celebrations, so I am not going to project it over the entirety of the year. May you have health, luck and success in 2006.