On the Road with the Chicago Cubs

Good friend, Offering regular, diehard Cubs fan and permanent Phoenix resident GRide is attempting to see the Cubs in every west coast venue to which they travel this year. He is recording the journey with photos and commentary on an MLB blog that you can view here.

Check in there to see pictures and hear stories of ballparks that we Cubs fans don't get to visit very often. It's easy to post comments there too, all you need is an ID from MLB.com. If you bought tickets to any game this year through an official team website, you already have an ID. If you want to get one, you can get one easily (and free, of course) here.

Since the NL West is clearly inferior to the Central, let's hope GRide sees lots of wins out there.

The Cubs ended the Marlins series with a strange and sloppy loss yesterday, but we're looking to rebound this weekend against an up-and-coming Brewers team. I'll be in the bleachers tomorrow to supervise a series-opening win. Hope your week is going swimmingly.

T

Nothin' but Nets

Hello world. Today I am giving a shout-out to a great new charitable venture by Sports Illustrated, a magazine and institution that I grew up with and still read daily. The magazine's Nothing but Net program is encouraging anyone who ever used a net to play a sport to donate to the U.N. Foundation, which will use the proceeds to purchase insecticide-treated nets for African families to fight the spread of malaria.

Rick Reilly wrote an interesting column to solicit donations for the program, which tells of the terrible spread of malaria (it kills 3,000 African children per day) and how preventable the disease can be (these nets can reduce the spread of the disease by 60%, last up to four years, and some can cover a family of four).

These nets cost between $4-$6 to purchase, and about $10 total to buy them and ship them where they need to go. 100% of your donation goes to the purchase of nets, as Ted Turner's original $1 billion donation to the U.N. Foundation covers all overhead costs. As U.N. Foundation Director of Children's Health Andrea Gay said, "every cent will go to nets." That means you will send one net for every $10 you donate. It's a simple, easy solution to an epidemic problem.

Bill and Melinda Gates have already purchased one net for every single bed in the country of Zambia. I hope you will join me and many others in sending some desperately needed, inexpensive nets to a place where they will do a lot more good than you can imagine.

To donate, simply go to the U.N. Foundation's malaria site or call 202-887-9040. Rick Reilly and the folks over at SI are asking for $20 from anyone who ever got a thrill from kicking a ball into a net, protecting a net as a goalie, or draining a long three at the buzzer, but I think any donation is acceptable. Start small if you'd like.

Reilly donated $20,000 because he estimated that he's used the word net 20,000 times in his columns over the years. Since I don't have a similar metric, I'm going to start by donating all of the proceeds from my very successful NCAA tournament pool season this year (which I won by correctly picking who was going to be cutting down nets in the Final Four). I plan to donate more in the near future.

Thanks in advance for your help with the effort. Have a great week. If you're going to see the Cubs tonight or Friday, I'll see you at Wrigley.

T

FF + DC4C = Neato

Last night I saw Franz Ferdinand and Death Cab for Cutie at the Aragon Ballroom. It was fun. I went with a large group of people with varying levels of experience with both bands; the newbies and the old hats both seemed to like the show a great deal. DCFC was definitely worlds better than their last show in Chicago, which pretty much put me to sleep.

Franz Ferdinand was good- they are a little formulaic in their catalog, a problem I also identify with similar bands like the Strokes and the Killers. Obviously, their songs differ a lot, but in their live show the subtle differences often aren't obvious. The star of their show is clearly drummer Paul Thompson, who was given room to extend songs as well as leading several percussion solos/jams. I thought that singer Alexander Kapranos was good and had a lot of personality, but not very precise in his notes and had a bit too much of the dark "indie-whine" found on many Interpol tracks.

Death Cab was great. They came out and started slow with Passenger Seat and Different Names for the Same Thing. Ben Gibbard's voice was very clear in a usually muddy acoustic setting like the Aragon. Then they got things rocking a little more with The New Year, Why'd You Want to Live Here, Photobooth, A Movie Script Ending, and a loud rendition of We Looked Like Giants with Ben Gibbard on the drums. The closer was Sound of Settling. Overall, they mixed the old stuff with the new stuff, playing a couple off of We Have the Facts and at least one off of the Forbidden Love EP (I don't have the full setlist). The encore was predictably slow- I Will Follow You Into the Dark and Transatlanticism. Overall, the energy was much better than last time, and the crowd was really into it. Death Cab has redeemed themselves for me, and have earned at least one more show in Chicago. Franz Ferdinand probably doesn't have quite enough for me to see them by themselves, but were worth getting there early for.

Highlights: We Looked Like Giants, A Movie Script Ending, Transatlanticism

Notable Absences (IMHO): Tiny Vessels, Death of an Interior Decorator, Marching Bands of Manhatten, I was a Kaleidoscope, Blacking Out the Friction.

This weekend is definitely going to be a Fritaturday. I don't know how many more of these I can handle.

Mother Nature is Upset

Multiple tornados and severe thunderstorms hit the hometown of the Offering last night, causing widespread damage and destruction last night. The governer has declared a state of emergency and state and local officials are trying to clean up the mess as quickly as possible. The students at the University of Iowa reacted as expected, by going out in the wreckage and partying.

My home was very lucky- no damage and the power/water/utilities are all going strong. It appears that the worst is over, but more bad weather is expected late Saturday night and early Sunday morning.

This is the worst possible time for my family, as TheSister is scheduled to get married tomorrow in Iowa City, and we have 130 people arriving in Iowa City during the day today for festivities beginning at 6:00. Obviously, this is not the time to think of such things, but it appears that nobody was killed.

Keep the good people of Iowa City in your thoughts this weekend. I'm heading there in about an hour, so I'll post an update after the weekend.

T

Lord Stanley's Pimp Cup

That, my friends, is how Lil' Jon rolls.

R.I.P. Deshaun Holton (aka Proof)

Deshaun Holton, better known as Proof from Eminem's Detroit-based group D12, was shot and killed early Tuesday morning at the CCC Club in Detroit, Michigan. Proof was a founding member of D12 (as well as many other groups with Detroit MCs), Eminem's best friend, and a father of five.

Proof was one of the driving forces behind Detroit becoming a hotbed for hip-hop innovation, as he grew up performing at all manner of venues, welcomed artists of all kinds into his studio, and was on a never-ending quest to find the next big thing. He hosted and participated in countless rap battles, including at the famous Hip-Hop Shop, and was known as one of the most thoughtful and clever improvisational rappers to come out of Detroit.

Proof was always my favorite member of D12, mostly because I liked his low voice and laid back rhyming style. He heavily influenced Eminem's raps, was a frequent consultant for his concerts, and was always the first member of D12 to be picked to go on tour with Eminem. He released one solo album on his label Iron Fist Records, the introspective Searching for Jerry Garcia, and was featured on D12 albums Devil's Night and D12 World.

I'm sure that Proof fans are sad and angry over yet another needless tragedy, especially as D12 was trying to bury feuds with other Detroit rappers. It's an eerie coincidence that Proof was shot and killed in Eminem's recent video, called Like Toy Soldiers, which was about ending this kind of violence. I hope that this will lead to other artists speaking out against violence for the sake of violence, but I'm not terribly optimistic.

Proof was 32 years old.

Clean Sweep (and a Tradition unlike any other)

It was a fantastic weekend. I attended my first Cubs game of the year last night, and got to see Michael Barrett and Jacque Jones (both pictured above) power the Cubs to an 8-4 victory over the Cardinals and wrap up a three-game sweep of our hated division rivals. Jacque Jones got his first hit as a Cub and first hit of the season in the fourth when he blasted a three-run homer to dead center with the Cubs down 2-0, and then Michael Barrett took advantage of a Jason Isringhausen fastball in the 8th inning in grand fashion after the Cards bullpen walked the bases loaded.

It was nice to see Michael Barrett have such a good weekend (he delivered the crucial game-tying homer on Saturday as well), as his home in Atlanta was severely damaged by a tornado. But according to Barrett, it was the best baseball weekend of his life.

The golf season also got underway on Sunday, as I swung the wrenches for the first time in 2006 (1 birdie, five pars, and pretty ugly at times) and Phil Mickleson won the Masters for the second time. It's Phil's second consecutive major victory and third overall, and it looks like he has finally decided to become the dominant force that golf fans have been expecting for over a decade. After winning by 13 strokes last week, Phil showed the world that he is ready to meet the lofty expectations that come with winning three of the last nine majors.

After checking out a brand new bar, getting out the clubs for a new golf season, taking in the Masters, and supervising a crowd of 40,000 during our first sweep of the year, I'd have to say that this past weekend happened exactly how I drew it up. Next weekend looks to be even better as I head back to Iowa for TheSister's wedding, which prominently involves salsa bands, extended family, cocktails, and my monkey suit. Have a good week and if you're in the windy city, get out there and enjoy the sunshine.

T

The Face of Tragedy

Pictured above is the scene of a horrific car accident in Germany (courtesy of Danimal). The depiction of the carnage, and the few survivors scattered among the broken bodies, is a graphic and profound image. I know it's difficult to look at a picture like this, but I hope, as we begin the weekend, that each of us realizes how lucky we are and how fast we can lose everything. I don't usually like to post sentimental thoughts on Fridays, as I don't believe that weekends are the time to dwell on the serious side of life, but this picture really struck a chord with me.

As we count our blessings, let's make sure that we enjoy every day as if it is our last. This weekend, that involves cheering on the Cubs as they open Wrigley Field for 2006 with a three-gamer against the hated Cardinals, trying to get out on the links for the first round of golf of the year, and watching closely to see if anyone can stop Tiger at Augusta.

Have a great weekend everybody. T

The Shame of Being a Dukie

I am a lifelong Duke hater. I hate their smug attitude, I hate the basketball superstars that have played there over the years, I hate the well-known but seldom talked-about racial tension in the town because of Duke's reputation as a southern school for Yankees, I hate the students' sense of entitlement, especially becuase they are usually just the valedictorians of mediocre New Jersey high schools with wealthy parents.

I base this opinion on real life experience: I went to a snotty east coast college too, and I've worked in DC, Boston, and Chicago in a litany of legal and political jobs; I've therefore run into more than my fair share of Duke students and grads. With a couple of notable exceptions, I find that Duke stereotypes are fairly well justified.

Because of my bad attitude about Duke, I usually like it when they get bad press and otherwise look like jerks in front of the rest of the nation. But I am disgusted and appalled by the recent scandal involving the alleged gang rape of two exotic dancers at a Duke lacrosse party, which has led the coach to resign and the rest of the season to be cancelled.

The circumstantial evidence appears to be very strong; medical tests on the alleged victims are consistent with sexual assault and according to documents published by The Smoking Gun, signs of a struggle were found in the bathroom where the alleged assaults occured.

Today, a previously sealed warrant was unsealed and detailed numerous other pieces of evidence on the events at the party, including an email sent by a member of the lacrosse team, Ryan McFadyen, just after the party in question that talked about killing and mutilating strippers in his dorm room the next night.

This is repulsive enough as it is. But what makes it worse is the racial undertones of the entire scandal. The exotic dancers that were allegedly raped and beaten at the party were African-American; all of the lacrosse players are white except one (who has been ruled out of suspicion, as the dancers said that their attackers were white). The alleged victims claim that they were subject to racist abuse, both verbal and physical, throughout the ordeal. The fact that this may have been, at least in part, racially motivated speaks to the amount of blind hate that exists in the prestigious corridors of Durham.


An aside: I don't know if it's a coincidence that the lacrosse team at the snotty east coast college where I attended was comprised of the most chauvinistic, meatheaded, jerks on campus. They always were the most physically confrontational, especially when drunk (they terrorized a good friend of mine after he testified to seeing them mercilessly beat another kid on a Saturday night), aggressive toward women, and in general awful people. I'm not arguing that all lacrosse players are hyper-aggressive rapists, in fact, I know several that are great people, but I do think that lacrosse is a sport that only permeates the higher socioeconomic classes (boarding schools on the east coast in particular) and rewards naked aggression. When you combine a fiercely loyal bunch of kids (such as those on their own at a boarding school), a sense of entitlement that comes from being rich, and a sport that encourages aggression and physicality, I think you get a higher incidence of events like those that allegedly transpired at Duke and the many, many incidents I witnessed at my alma mater. I played rugby and belonged to a social organization that drew from many sports teams, extracurricular organizations, socioeconomic classes, and backgrounds, and nobody that I associated with was a fan of lacrosse players. Maybe I harbor prejudice against these guys because of what I saw in college, but I don't think it's a coincidence that the swim team or the track team wasn't accused of these foul events at Duke.

Let's hope that if a sexual assault, hate crime, or both did indeed occur, those responsible fry for it.

Opening Day 2006: Success

Happy Opening Day everyone. The Cubs start their 2006 campaign today in Cincinnati as Big Z gets the nod against Aaron Harang and the Reds. None of the experts picked the Cubs to do much damage, but we didn't get any props in 2003 either, and we should have been in the World Series that year.

I'm still optimistic. Baseball is probably the most fun season of the year, because of the length, the fact that your team plays almost every day, and it spans the best weather of the year in the midwest. Some people are even saying that 2006 will be the greatest baseball season ever. I'm not making any predictions that are so lofty, but I am very much looking forward to seeing how the NL Central, and the league at large, play out.

For now, go Cubs. Let's make this year a memorable one.



UPDATE: 16 runs on 18 hits and 7 walks for the Cubs today as they defeat the Reds handily, 16-7. The offense was better than we thought, the defense good, the pitching a little inconsistent, but the Cubs got the job done and the season started on the right foot. Day off Tuesday, and then back at it versus the Reds again Wednesday.

My Amsterdam Bachelor Party

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And Thus Endeth the Iowa Season

The Iowa Hawkeyes fell victim to the biggest upset of the tourney so far, falling to Northwestern State 64-63 on a long three-pointer at the buzzer.

Now, a lot of people are going to talk about how this shouldn't tarnish a great 25-win season, a Big Ten Tournament title, and a season that our seniors can be proud of. But you know what? It does.

Say what you want about conference record, RPI, or however else you measure success in college basketball- all that matters is where you get seeded in the Big Dance, and how far you are able to go. And for the second year in a row, Iowa got beat in the first round.

A lot of people are also going to express sympathy for our seniors, in particular Jeff Horner and Greg Brunner, because they went out on a sad and disappointing note. Those guys were great players and represented the Hawkeyes really well for four years, but I have zero sympathy for them. Here's why:

This. Team. Choked. This was one of the worst of many epic choke jobs that Steve Alford-led teams author the minute any sort of pressure is applied. Consider the following:

1) We had a 17 point lead on a #14 seed with a little less than 8 and a half minutes to play. They went on a 27-9 run to win the game. That is a collapse of almost indescribable proportions. There is no excuse for allowing your opponent to come back like that, especially when you pride yourself on your defense. None.

2) Our senior center, Erek Hansen, went 2/4 with 1 offensive rebound and 5 turnovers.

3) Jeff Horner was 4-13 from the field, including 1-7 from downtown. That just isn't going to get the job done.

4) We got 7 points on 1-4 shooting from our bench.

5) We turned the ball over 18 times.

6) Northwestern State managed to shoot the ball at a 38% clip and still beat us.

7) Greg Brunner missed a free throw with 14 seconds to go that would have put us up by 3.

All of this leads me to a couple of, in my view, inescapable conclusions. They are hard to swallow, but even as a person who lives and dies with the success of the Hawkeyes, we have to be honest here. They are:

1) Steve Alford is, simply put, a loser. It took him 5 years at Iowa to author a .500 season in the Big Ten (Tom Davis never had a sub-.500 year, ever.). He has won precisely 1 NCAA tournament game in 7 seasons at Iowa. He has gotten beat by inferior teams the last two years in the first round, both played fairly close to home.

2) This team is composed of post-season choke artists. We haven't gone on a post-season run in the Alford era, and it's not just in the NCAAs either. Remember when we got beat by St. Louis University in the first round of the NIT a few years ago? We just can't perform in a one-and-done situation.

3) We desperately need to shake up our program and recruiting. We are not going to get Iowans like Brunner and Horner on a regular basis, and right now, we're not effectively recruiting anywhere else. Time to get a new coaching staff and a new attitude in our program. For tips, call Kirk Ferentz.

4) Time to start laying blame where it belongs. Lack of preparation and mentality is on the coach. Lack of poise and odd absence of fundamentals in crunch time is on the players.

Thanks to our seniors. Horner and Brunner had great careers at Iowa, and I believe they will be remembered for their entire body of work, not just today's game. But no excuses: they were beaten by an inferior team because they couldn't hold a 17-point lead for 8 minutes.

That's a tough thought to ponder on the way back to Iowa City, and for the rest of the off-season. See you guys next year.


Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone. Be proud of your Irish heritage, I know I am.

t

And Thus Beginneth the Madness

The Hawks returned to Iowa City last night after finishing a victorious run in the Big Ten tournament by beating Ohio State 67-60 in the final and claiming the first tournament championship since 2001. By finishing the year with three straight wins in the tournament, the Hawks ran their record to 25-8 to go along with the tournament trophy.

While that's a big story in Hawkland, it also propelled them to a #3 seed in the Atlanta bracket of the NCAA tournament, which pits them against #14 seed Northwestern State (La.) in Auburn Hills, Michigan on Friday.

Overall, I'm pleased with the seed that Iowa received, but we sure got a tough draw. Check out the full breakdown and analysis of the Atlanta region here. We'll likely have to beat a battle-tested West Virginia team to come out of the Auburn Hills sub-regional, and then we'll likely have Texas and Duke in the regional semi-final and final. So there's a lot standing in the way of our road to the Final Four.

A few more NCAA tourney notes:

1) I'm a little surprised that GW, with only a couple of losses, got an 8 seed. That's good news for those that think they can upset Duke and blow the Atlanta region wide open, but I consider an 8 seed to be a little bit low for a team that went 14-0 in conference play and won 26 games.

2) Biggest snubs, according to the Offering: Missouri State (21 RPI in a tough conference), Michigan (Big Ten deserved 7 bids), and Cincinnati (deserved an at-large after going .500 in an exceptional Big East and then losing their conference tourney game on a last-second Gerry McNamara three-ball).

3) Easiest Region: My early feeling is that the Oakland region is the most wide-open. I think the top 4 seeds are beatable, and anyone down to a 5 or 6 seed could come out of that bracket.

4) Dark Horse Final Four Picks: Here's one team from each region that didn't garner a high seed, but I think could surprise people: Pittsburgh (Oakland), West Virginia (Atlanta), Michigan State (D.C.), and Georgetown (Minneapolis).

5) Bracket tips: When filling out your office pool bracket, remember that of the 32 first-round games, the lower seed will win approximately 1/4 of those games. To put a finer point on it, in the 5-12 matchups in the first round, the 5 seed is only 11-9 over the last 20 such games. And when you're torn between two teams, go with the one with better guard play and free throw shooting as a team. Those two traits are magnified in the Big Dance.

I haven't done my usual thorough analysis on each of the regions yet, but I'll post some Final Four thoughts later in the week when I post the picks for the head-to-head blog-off with the Sofa King. The annual Confidence Pool is for money as well as dignity, so when I put up our chosen teams, I'll also make some predictions about who will be cutting down nets in Indianapolis.

Here's a good printable bracket.

Hope you're enjoying the Madness.
T

Fritaturday Eve

Hello everyone in the entire world. Apologies for the lack of content this week, but I tried to post a rather sizeable entry on Tuesday and a mechanical failure made me lose it. My frustration with Blogger.com caused me to wait until now. But I shouldn't bite the hand that hosts my website for free, so I'll hold my tongue now.

Anyhoo, a few quick hits from the week that is/was:

1) R.I.P. Kirby Puckett. He was a great player, with 10 All-Star appearances in 12 seasons, over 2,000 hits, a lifetime .318 batting average, and two trips to the playoffs, each of which netted him a World Series ring. The Sofa King will tell you that he was a different person off the field, but baseball people love him and he was the face of the Twins for over a decade.

2) R.I.P., what was left of Barry Bonds' reputation. Personally, I've never liked Barry Bonds. I hate his smug, disdainful attitude toward the media and the public, I hate his me-first attitude, I hate he uses his family to gain sympathy, I hate his sense of entitlement, and I hate how a person who was perfectly situated to have a Michael Jordan-esque relationship with baseball fans continually chose to be a whiny, sulking, angry child at every possible opportunity.

Now it looks like the new book Game of Shadows is going to blow the doors off Bonds' systematic cheating and shed light on how he has been a human pharmaceutical experiment since 1998, when his jealousy of Mark McGwire's home run chase led him to start taking all manner of steroids and illegal substances. Sports Illustrated excerpted some relevant passages from the book this week, and they certainly get down to all the dirty details.

The authors of the book, Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, are journalists of impeccable credibility that are respected in the sports world. I sincerely hope this book causes Barry Bonds to retire immediately, and in shame. I don't want him breaking Babe Ruth's record, but mostly I don't want him breaking Hank Aaron's record, so I'd be happy if he retired short of 755.

3) It's Championship Week! The Big Ten Tournament kicked off in Indianapolis today, with Minnesota, Penn State, and Michigan State moving out of the first round. The Beloved will host Minnesota Friday at 5:40 local time, and I'll be in a rowdy sports bar cheering them on. With a win, Iowa will play the winner of the Illinois-Michigan State game on Saturday just after noon local time for a shot at the semi-finals. After that, it'll be time to strap on the dancin' shoes. Iowa is looking like a solid #5 seed right now, and a run in the Big Ten Tournament will likely move them up to #4. This is a fun time of year when your team actually has a chance to do some damage in these tournaments.

4) The UAE port deal seems to have caused a rift in the GOP before it imploded today. G-Dub promised to veto any legislation blocking the deal, while congressional Republicans and Democrats promised to pass such legislation with an overwhelming majority anyway, thus forcing the Prez to explain to the American people why he was overriding the legislature's wishes to sell our ports to an Arab country known to support terrorism. That'd be a tough sell considering what comes out of the White House regarding the war on terror. I'm not certain this deal would have put our country at risk (federal and state authorities still would have handled security for the ports), but I suppose maybe this is a better-safe-than-sorry situation. It's interesting that in an election year, GOP congressmen are all too eager to defy the President when their constituencies are concerned about something like port security. These elections are going to be fun to watch.

5) Box office receipts are down 8% last year. I attribute this to higher-quality home theater systems, ease and availability of pay-per-view and digitally transmitted films to the home, general economic downturn, and rising costs of seeing movies. Personally, I have invested a ton of money in my television, DVD collection, and sound system at home, but I love to go to the movies. I like real laugh tracks at comedies, I like seeing all films on the big screen, and while you don't necessarily talk during the movies, I still consider it a social event. I hope that going to movies doesn't become a thing of the past.

6) Speaking of movies, I watched the Oscars last weekend and enjoyed Jon Stewart very much. Also, I was very glad to see Phillip Seymour Hoffman win Best Actor and Ang Lee win Best Director. Everything else was not important to me. I think the Crash-Brokeback Best Picture controversey was much ado about nothing. Even if it was a homophobic bias in the Academy, so what? Brokeback probably got more publicity because of the scandal allegations. And it already set an all-time record for buzz about a movie anyway. Don't worry, activists for gay rights: everyone in the nation has already been innundated with stories about Brokeback Mountain. It's a really good film, and it is and has been recognized as such.

Other Oscar notes: Most Beautiful Woman there was (no surprise here) Jessica Alba. Honorable mentions go to Nicole Kidman, Keira Knightley and Salma Hayek. Michelle Williams sure cleans up well too. Best pregnancy/post-pregnancy rack goes to Jennifer Garner, with honorable mention to Rachel Weisz.

7) Now this is an exercise trend that I fully support.

8) Glad to see that the NFL finally worked out its labor troubles and we will continue to have lockout-free football in the fall. It's good to know that rich, spoiled, selfish athletes can come to an agreement with richer, more spoiled, and more selfish owners over how they are going to split the billions of dollars they make each year by selling tickets to games for $85 each and authentic jerseys for $250. You guys are truly the model of the charitable, philanthropic human spirit.

Go Hawks tomorrow. If I don't get a chance to post before the end of the day, have a great weekend. t

You make me laugh, Dwight Schrute.

Although I was a huge fan of the BBC version of The Office, I have also come around on the NBC remake. Anyway, Dwight Schrute, a character on the NBC show (who is based on Gareth Keenan from the BBC version and played by Rainn Wilson), writes a blog on the show's official site.

Some of the entries are outstanding, especially if you know a little bit about the characters Dwight and Gareth. You can check out his blog here.

Dwight covers a variety of topics on his blog, but some of my favorites are:

Sleet: "Here in Scranton it is 46 degrees and SLEETY. I love sleet. It's so bracing. It's not snow (wimpy) or rain (annoying). It's sleet. It's its own thing. Sleet is the most unappreciated type of weather. This winter, let's all try and have a deeper respect for sleet and what it does and what it is."

The Epiglotis: "Think about the way the throat and swallowing works. The epiglotis decides what goes where down the trachea and/or esophogus. But it gets no respect. This tiny flap of skin in your neck decides if something is food or air. The food goes to your tummy. The air goes to your lungs. Without it your food would go straight into your lungs and clog them up. You'd have soup in your lungs. Or a sandwich. Or doritos. Or Fresca. OR you would get air in your tummy and be a big gassy fart bag all the time. All that from the tiny, powerful epiglotis.
In many ways, I am like the epiglotis. Small, unappreciated, not well thought of or respected, but POWERFUL. So powerful that without me you'd have food in your lungs."

And the current entry is a teaser for Dwight's new book about the world of sales, co-written by his beet-selling cousin Mose. It's called SELL THIS!: How to Literally Kill the Competition, By Dwight and Mose Schrute.**

That's comedy. I may start "borrowing" some of his blogisms around here, because sometimes my funny just isn't as funny as Dwight's funny.

Hang in there. It's almost Friday.
T

**Completely off-topic note: I HATE how our society has collectively forgotten how to use the word "literally". To most people, "literally" now means "figuratively" or "if you can believe it". The joke about the above fictional book is that title, correctly interpreted, implies that the book teaches you to kill people, not beat them in sales. Dwight is therefore making the same mistake that most people (at least, around me) make; he means "figuratively" killing the competition.

The other week I was at a bar and a young lady was talking about how she "literally" had to push a co-worker out the window to get them to do something, and was "literally" having to beat people over the head to finish a task. Unless you are actually committing assault and murder in your workplace, you weren't "literally" doing those things. You were "figuratively" doing them. Here's an easy guide to use of the word "literal":

Step 1) If you didn't actually, in reality, do, think, or say the contents of your sentence immediately following the word "literal" or "literally", you are using the word incorrectly. In that case, proceed to Step 2. If you did, and in fact you are expressing factual events, then feel free to express them as they "literally" happened.

Step 2) Don't use the word "literal" or "literally", jackass. Use a) nothing at all, and just let the sarcasm be implied (as in "I was going to kill him!" as opposed to "I was going to literally kill him!"), or b) skip the "literally", finish your thought, and say "figuratively speaking of course" or some such similar caveat (if you feel that nobody will pick up your facetiousness).

Here's the point: people use "literally" nowadays as "figuratively" or a modifier to emphasize their point, as opposed to using it to distinguish actual events from figurative speech. Don't. Don't say "I literally thought my head was going to explode" unless, at the time, your cognitive process was "I am so angry that I am gravely concerned that my cranium is going to spontaneously combust, resulting in my immediate death." Because if that thought didn't run through your mind, you didn't "literally" think your head was going to explode.

Dwight gets it. The rest of you don't.

A Few Quickies for Hump Day

Hello world. The week is flying by, as usual. A few quickies for you on this lovely Wednesday:

1) Death Cab covered Freety Johnston's Bad Reputation a while back. It's a good tune, you can download it here. [Insert standard disclaimer about downloading music in this space]

2) As a corollary, check out the Sofa King's recommendation on good tools for music posted on blogs. The blogosphere has quite a lot of good music out there.

3) Finally, I'm going to see some music tonight myself. I'll be checking out the Fray, who is managed by a good friend of mine JDI.

4) Bird flu is rearing its ugly head once again. I'm not worried. I hardly ever eat raw birds.

5) This labor dispute in the NFL is starting to grate on me. As I understand it, the stalemate is over revenue sharing with players; the union is at 60% and the owners are at 56.2%. Split the difference and let's move on.

6) I love IMDB. And I love this guy's IMDB picture even more. But most of all, I love this movie. It stars Mike Norris (Chuck's son), Chad McQueen (Steve's son), and Don Swayze (Swazyehorse's brother). And it's called Death Ring. The joke pretty much writes itself.
(via daily links)

7) Wow, Takanami in Iowa City is good. I had some Kobe steak there last weekend, along with about a dozen other things. And speaking of Iowa City, here's a fun article about a good way to spend the weekend there from the NY Times travel people.

That's all for now. Hope your week is just spectacular.

T

Your 2006 Chicago Cubs

Well, our full squad is pretty much in attendance at Spring Training, and I am very excited to see the boys get back to work. We have some issues with the World Baseball Classic, where we're sending several key players, but everyone else is in Arizona ready to prepare for the 2006 campaign. With that, let's get to the Public Offering's 2006 Preview:

Preseason Award Picks and projected stats for 2006:
MVP: Derrek Lee (.317, 41 HR, 114 RBI)
MIP: Matt Murton (.293, 11 HR, 68 RBI, 19 SB)
Most Valuable Pitcher: Carlos Zambrano (20-6, 3.42 ERA)
Most Valuable Defensive Player: Jacque Jones
Most Valuable Newcomer: Juan Pierre (.298 Avg., .376 OBP, 42 SB, 104 runs)

And here is how your 2006 Cubs grade out by off-season moves and potential:

Starting Pitching: This is the biggest question mark on the team. Right now, we're looking at starting Mark Prior, Carlos Zambrano, Greg Maddux, Glendon Rusch, and Jerome Williams. That's obviously going to change, as Kerry Wood gets healthy and off-season acquisition Wade Miller gets finished with his rehab. This could be the most dominant starting unit in the league, or it could struggle with injury and consistency issues. If we get 60 starts from Prior and Wood, we'll have no problems at all from the starters.
Off-season improvement: Marginal (Wade Miller)
Pre-season Grade: B/B+

Bullpen: The Cubs addressed a young, inconsistent bullpen first in the off-season by spending about $25 million on veteran relievers Scott Eyre and Bobby Howry. These two pitchers should add stability to the middle relief corps. With Ryan Dempster closing out games and the rest of the bullpen likely including Michael Wuertz, Will Ohman, Roberto Novoa, and Scott Williamson (With Rich Hill, Jon Koronka, and Todd Wellemeyer waiting in the wings), we should have a much stronger bullpen than last year. It also remains to be seen whether Kerry Wood helps out in relief as well. If Woody stays in the pen, he'll give us some great short relief innings. If he starts, you can count on Rusch or Williams coming from the rotation to help out this bullpen even more. I think we finally have the personnel that we need to protect late leads. In fact, our pen is probably more stable than the rotation right now.
Off-season improvement: Substantial (Eyre, Howry, and maturing of younger pitchers)
Pre-season Grade: A-

Outfield: Our outfield looks completely different than a year ago. We went out and signed Jacque Jones from Minnesota and Juan Pierre from Florida to replace the outgoing Corey Patterson and Jeromy Burnitz in center and right field, and farmhand Matt Murton will get a chance to start the year as an every day player in left. I like Murton a lot; he is still young but has shown the ability to hit to all fields, likes to run the bases, and does the little things. As for Pierre and Jones, I think we got one of the most hard-working leadoff men in the game (Pierre) and a great all-around player who is underrated because of a bad year in 2005 (Jones). I'm concerned that we don't have a good throwing arm in the outfield and we don't have a lot of power either, but our infielders hit a lot of home runs and we certainly gained a lot of ground in speed, defensive skill, baserunning ability, contact hitting, and character. All three outfielders are superb in the clubhouse and should really help team chemistry. The top of our lineup is going to give some teams problems, especially teams that have pitchers who don't like throwing from the stretch, and it should give our big bats a lot of opportunities. I'm very excited to see how this outfield gels and covers the smallish outfield at the Friendly Confines.
Off-season Improvement: Substantial, borderline outstanding
Pre-season Offensive Grade: B+
Pre-season Defensive Grade: A-

Infield: This is where the front office failed to make any substantial moves in the off-season. After letting Nomar Garciaparra go, the Cubs re-signed Neifi Perez and Jerry Hairston, picked up Todd Walker's option, and penciled in farmhand Ronny Cedeno as the everyday shortstop. The Cubs made a run at Rafael Furcal and couldn't pay him what the Dodgers offered, so we pretty much left our infield alone. I like Todd Walker at second base (especially for a paltry $2.5 million), and I think that Ronny Cedeno is a bit of a risk because he is so young and inexperenced, but I liked what I saw last year and he had a great off-season playing in South America. Jerry Hairston will probably play some outfield as well as infield, and Neifi Perez will be Cedeno's primary backup at shortstop. At the corners, we have our two big bats: Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez. I expect both to have 30+ home run and 100+ RBI seasons, especially with our newfound speedsters batting ahead of them in the order. Both are slated to play in the WBC, which I suppose is okay, but I am worried about Aramis and his continued struggles with leg injuries. Aramis has improved immensely over the last season on defense, and Derrek Lee remains arguably the best defensive first baseman in the game. Our catchers are also both playing in the WBC, and that hurts our ability to really get a good relationship going with the new pitchers during Spring Training, which is the most critical time to cement pitcher-catcher communication and teamwork. In any case, I like Michael Barrett's bat but am concerned that our superstar pitchers have increasingly requested that backup Henry Blanco catch them...let's hope that Barrett is developing his ability to call games so that we don't have to trade offense for defense. Blanco is one of the best minds in the game, so I hope that Barrett can learn from him over the course of the year.
Off-Season Improvement: Marginal to none (Cedeno's improvement in winter ball)
Pre-season Offensive Grade: A-
Pre-season Defensive Grade: B+

Bench: Our reserves have quietly improved a lot over the off-season. We signed utilityman John Mabry from St. Louis, and extended a non-roster Spring Training invitation to Marquis Grissom, who is highly likely to make the team coming out of camp. Our five regular bench players will probably be Blanco, Mabry, Hairston, Perez, and Grissom, with star farmhand Felix Pie possibly entering the mix sometime into the season. That means that every one of our regulars are major league veterans and most can play more than one position. We should be experienced and versatile on the bench, and Dusty likes to use all of his players, so he should have a lot of options. Look for Perez to start at shortstop once a week, and don't be surprised to see Hairston in left, right, or second and Grissom starting against some left-handed pitchers. I think this bench could really contribute a lot.
Off-season Improvement: Substantial (Grissom and Mabry)
Pre-season Defensive Grade: A-
Pre-season Offensive Grade: B/B-


OVERALL: This is a very, very different Cubs team than the last two years for three principal reasons: 1) we have a chance to have a stable, healthy rotation. Woody is supposed to be ready to go in mid-April, and everyone else is on pace to start the year; 2) we're no longer going to be a home run dependant, feast-or-famine offense. We are going to hit fewer home runs this year, but will have much better totals in batting average, stolen bases, hit-and-run opportunities, successful sacrifices, and probably runs scored. I really like our small ball lineup, and I think it will allow Dusty to take more calculated risks as opposed to standing around hoping for a big home run; and 3) we finally have a deep, experienced bullpen that is full of players who know their roles. We aren't converting anyone to a position they've never played this year, we aren't using three or four guys who just got brought up from AAA, and we paid for top-flight relievers who fill a specific need.

That being said, we absolutely have to improve on the base paths, fielding the ball, and hitting for contact this year to have any chance at a division title or a playoff berth. We are fortunate that our divisional rivals (Houston and St. Louis) did not make great strides in the off-seaon, but with Milwaukee and Pittsburgh getting better, few games will be handed to the Cubs. We have lost more games in the last two seasons than I can count because we fail to do the little things- hit the cutoff man, mental mistakes on the base paths, not legging out extra base hits, pitchers failing to cover first base, throwing errors, etc, etc, etc. We have to become a more fundamentally sound team if we are going to contend this year.

We also need to be healthy, especially in the pitching staff, but that's something that doesn't warrant much further analysis. Prior and Wood have to keep their arms healthy, Rusch can't break down if we need him to start for the whole season, our aging bullpen guys have to be able to give us 70 or so appearances, and Maddux can't show his age. It's that simple.

I like this team. I like the clubhouse dynamic, I like that the players love playing for Dusty, and I like our potential. If we stay healthy, I'm thinking we win about 94-96 games, which likely will be enough for the division title.

Tentative first game at Wrigley Field this year for the Offering is either April 8 or 9th, the weekend of the home-opening series against the hated Redbirds. Target number of games to be attended, as usual, is 25 games- an ambitious yet realistic goal. I've been within a couple of that number each of the last two years.

Hope to see you at Wrigley.
Go Cubs.

R'n'R, and Fun with Pictures

Hello world. Weekend was good. Some rants and raves from the weekend that was:

Raves:

1) Ate food here on Friday, then had drinks here. Both were fun. The Whiskey is a little bit touristy by virtue of the Rush St. location, but it has a good staff, spacious chairs and couches in the back of the bar, and floor-to-ceiling windows for people-watching inside and out. Good times. Props to TheDad for staying up and boozing after the opera.

2) Saturday was a bar crawl with a pre-crawl gathering hosted by the Offering. Very good times. Catering thoughtfully provided by Sharky and we definitely got our money's worth out of the bar crawl.

3) Bought the Sin City Special Edition DVD. Simply one of the best DVDs ever released. First, the extended cut of the movie has all four subplots separated out into 4 distinct films instead of one long movie such as the one released in theaters. Additionally, there are two director commentaries, a "green-screen only" version of the movie (with no special effects), audio tracks of the audience reaction at the premiere of the film (so you can watch it as if you are at the premiere), the "long take" of Quentin Tarentino's scene, and much, much, much more. If you love movies, get this DVD. It has everything you could want to know about the project that was Sin City.

Rants:

1) Bar lines. The Valentine's Day bar crawl that we attended Saturday was way, way too overcrowded. When you arrive at 8:01 for an 8:00 bar crawl and there is a 200 person line at each of the bars involved, that's too many people. Bar1Events- get this figured out.

2) Movie hype. I finally saw Brokeback Mountain this weekend. It was good. Quite good, actually. A sad story that included many subtle performances. The hype surrounding this film, however, lessened the experience for me. All this talk about how Brokeback sets a new standard for romantic films and dwarfs all other attempts at portraying forbidden love was, in my opinion, not warranted. I thought it was very well done and tackled some difficult subject matter, but I don't see how it was a pivotal moment in drama film history, as a lot of the hype implied. If you want to read more from a Brokeback groupie, check out Screwsan's comments.

3) The Winter Olympics. Michelle Kwan withdrawing, several training accidents, Bode Miller started off with a fifth place finish in the downhill and then choked the combined...could we be less interested? There aren't enough storylines, there aren't enough famous stars, and we just don't take to these winter sports. Go U.S.A. I guess.

4) The Pro Bowl. Dear NFL, Nobody Cares. Nobody. Sincerely, Tim. As Peter King wrote, "It's the most irrelevant game in sports." Also, three of the six Bears elected to the game skipped out on it. The players don't even care.

And now, a Current Events edition of Fun with Pictures:

1) First and foremost, the SI Swimsuit Issue is out this week, which is something that the Offering always looks forward to, even in this age of Maxim, Playboy, and the internets. This year features an all-star cast of past cover girls, and it does not disappoint.

If you don't know, now you know- this is what it looks like when you arrive in heaven:



2) Dick Cheney shot a guy! The VP plugged Austin attorney Harry Whittington while on a hunting trip in Texas over the weekend with a 28-gauge shotgun. Even more amusing, the White House Press Corps has been raking Scott McClellan over the coals for the long-delayed release of the news. Right now the White House is saying that the VP's office left it up to the owner of the ranch where the incident happened to issue a release. Not credible. Anyway, here is a good pic of the VP himself handling the steel:

UPDATE: Apparently, the shooting victim has had a minor heart attack because some of the pellets are lodged in his heart. Seriously, Dick Cheney is Aaron Burr.

3) Sammy Sosa is claiming that he won't "beg for a job" just to get to 600 homers before he retires. He has been offered a $500,000 non-guaranteed contract by the Nationals, but probably won't take it because he won't be handed a spot on the major league team. That's understandable, considering he missed 60 games last year due to injury, hit .221, still managed to strike out 84 times despite missing almost half the year, hit an impressive 14 home runs in 380 ABs, and was paid $17,875,000 for his trouble. This guy is the worst kind of player: self-absorbed, astronomical sense of entitlement, absolutely no production or accountability, standoff-ish, and my personal favorite: he forgets how to speak a word of English every single time he gets asked a difficult question, whether by a reporter, member of Congress, or teammate. This guy speaks perfect English. He's been in the major leagues, doing press conferences, public appearances, and otherwise being completely immersed in American culture since 1989. And he was here before he was a major-leaguer. My contempt for Sammy Sosa knows no bounds. Anyway, here is a great picture of him (via deadspin):



That's all for today. This week is very busy with work and some friends in from out of town, and then TheGirl travels to Arizona this weekend, which usually means a Fritaturday is in sight.

More soon.
T

Update: Singing a different (car)toon

I wanted to post a brief update on this ridiculous cartoon fiasco that has enraged the Muslim world and set off international political shockwaves in the last few days. I touched on it yesterday, but here are some new developments that paint a clearer picture of what actually is happening:

1) Apparently, these cartoons have been in print since September of 2005; the recent reprinting of the images in various EU countries is what sparked the current fiasco. There have also been rumors of Muslim clerics in Denmark adding more inflammatory images to the set of cartoons that they sent to colleagues in predominantly Muslim countries.

2) Now, Iranian newspapers are getting revenge by holding a contest for cartoons depicting the Holocaust as well as crimes committed by America and Israel.

3) Condi Rice and the President are biting back at Syria and Iran for intentionally stoking the anger of their citizens as well as refusing to protect embassies in their countries that have been attacked by protesters. Some Muslim leaders have joined in as well to urge non-violence.

4) A French newspaper has reprinted the controversial images in a plea for a free press, much to the chagrin of President Chirac. The Muslim world, it is safe to say, is not happy about this recent development.

5) Finally, the Danish newspaper that started it all is offering to publish the Holocaust cartoons that the Iranian newspaper is soliciting in response to the Muhammed cartoons.

Meanwhile, Muslim nations are boycotting Danish products, taking Danish imports off the shelves, and trying to cut off all economic activity with Denmark. That is not going to help the already tenuous trading and economic situation between the EU and some of these countries.

Stay tuned. This probably isn't over yet.

Waylaid

Hello Offering faithful. Sorry for the long layoff, but things have been hectic in the last couple of weeks and I have not had the chance to keep the masses entertained for quite some time. I will take the increasing rudeness and impatience of your emails urging me to update this page as a compliment. I'm glad to see that this blog has become a regular party of your obviously irregular lives.

Time is still short, so let's just do a quick 2-week layoff catchup:

*Last weekend was a bit slow, with the troops never really putting forth a stellar effort either Friday or Saturday. I saw Rigoletto at the Lyric Opera on Friday; it was quite good but I thought it left a little be desired. The words in Verdi operas seem a little overcooked to me, and I thought the Duke of Mantua didn't have quite a big enough voice. I would have liked to see Pavarotti in that role in his prime.

*Super Bowl Extra Large turned out to be Super Bowl Extra Lame on Sunday afternoon. I had a subdued group of 18 or so at my bachelor palace, but the boring game, uninspired commercials, and general lack of excitement made it a somewhat underwhelming event. I had a good time, but this was about as beat as a Super Sunday can be. Seattle got jobbed a little bit by the refs, but neither team really played well and the Seahawks certainly had their chances. Miss the game? Check out the Sports Guy's running diary.

Two Super Bowl Notes:

1) This whole officiating controversey that has plagued the NFL throughout the 2005 playoffs has me wondering: is it even possible to get all the calls right in the NFL? We have our best crews doing the playoffs, we have the benefit of instant replay, we have allowed more time to be certain on the calls by allowing all the refs to confer before making a ruling, and we still blatantly miss lots of crucial, game-changing calls with alarming frequency. Maybe it's that some of these calls are simply too hard to see, and the camera angles don't always get the full picture either. I don't know. But the league needs to look at doing something to get these calls right. Too many playoff moments this year were ruined by bad calls. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I don't get paid to figure out it out. Someone solve this problem.

2) Jerome Bettis had a great career. He is a media darling, a good team player, and a great locker room presence. But he does not deserve to go to the Hall of Fame. In 13 seasons, he never led the NFL in rushing. He finished in the top-10 in rushing only five times in 13 years (with two 9th place finishes). He failed to hit 1,000 yards 5 times, and failed to hit 1,100 yards 8 times. He was, for his entire career, a one-dimensional player. He was a bad receiver (200 career catches), had the third-lowest average per carry of anyone in the top 25 in career rushing yards (3.9 yards), and averaged less than 4 yards per carry in 9 seasons, including 4 of his 1,000 yard seasons. He is tied for 8th in rushing touchdowns, but there are handful of great backs within a few scores, so he will undoubtedly fall off that list within a season or two.

He was durable, dependable, a good goal-line back, and a great Steeler, but that doesn't come close to putting him in the discussion of the greatest backs of all time. Want 10 that are better off the top of my head? Okay: Jim Brown, Walter Payton, Barry Sanders, Emmit Smith, Gale Sayers, Franco Harris, Thurman Thomas, Earl Campbell, John Riggins, and the Juice. There you go.

*The Hawks are rolling right along, after a 26-point drubbing of Michigan at home, Iowa remains undefeated in Carver-Hawkeye and has taken over first place in the Big Ten. We have to figure out how to win on the road, starting with a big matchup at Northwestern tomorrow, where we have lost four of the last five games. Let's keep it up.

*One week until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training. It's an exciting year for the Cubs, with lots of new acquisitions and the possibility of a healthy rotation for the first time in a couple of years. Our bullpen looks better too. Check out the Cubs Spring Training Guide.

On to non-sports related items:

*The Muslim world is in an uproar over cartoon depictions of the Prophet Muhammed that originally appeared in a Danish newspaper. I hope that the leaders of largely Islamic nations will soon ask that the protesters stop the violence (and Kofi Annan agrees). Four protesters (presumably all Muslim) have already been killed. I don't think the anger of the Muslim world is necessarily unjustified, but the negative consequences of the cartoons are multiplied when these demonstrations cause needless deaths.

One other note: I think this issue is a very important one (freedom of speech/press versus religious tolerance and respect) and we should feel free to discuss it here and elsewhere. But Islam forbids depictions of Muhammed, and out of respect for this precept, the Offering will not be publishing any of the controversial cartoons or linking to them on the internet.

*Samuel Alito was confirmed as the Supreme Court's 110th justice last week. Yee ha. It was a largely partisan vote (4 Dems broke ranks), and not a surprising one. This will give the right wing a solid block of four votes on most or all social issues (Scalia, Thomas, Roberts, and Alito), with a strong moderate block as well (Stevens, Breyer, Souter). This court is a young one (with the exception of 116 year-old John Paul Stevens), so it has a chance to make a lot of landmark decisions. I hope that the scales haven't tipped too far toward literal interpretation of the Constitution. I like implied rights.

*Apparently, the State of the Union is still strong. Record deficits, a military quagmire abroad, and rampant fear-mongering may indicate otherwise, but anyway: President Bush delivered his 5th SOTU address last week, and focused on Iraq, energy alternatives, and the success of his various domestic programs.

*R.I.P., Coretta Scott King. If you want to get learned on some civil rights stuff, check out this Offering post: Got MLK?

*Scientists have found a "garden of Eden" in New Guinea, a complete, untouched ecosystem hosting hundreds of new species of plants and animals. If you were going to discover something in your lifetime, wouldn't this be high up on your list? Isn't finding a land untouched by humans with literally hundreds of never-before-seen plants and animals so much better than finding a skeleton, or old artifacts, or even a pyramid or tomb? To me, this would be so much cooler.

*If you need to drink this soda, you need help.

*John McCain and Barack Obama are fighting over lobbying reform, but I'm not sure what McCain is so furious about. Maybe the GOP just felt like knocking a Democratic superstar down a notch or two. I don't know. Here is a good summary of the battle of words.

Finally, the Offering welcomes a regular reader to the Windy City as a brand new resident as of tomorrow. You're going to like Chicago, Speedy.

More later this week.
t