Rock Bottom

Greg Maddux takes his fifth loss in May

to finish 0-5 with an ERA of 7.81.

How can you say that the Cubs aren't the worst team in the National League right now? We are a staggering 5-18 in the month of May. We've won one series all month (2-1 against the Nationals May 16-18), had an 8-game losing streak, a four-game losing streak, a three-game losing streak, and are currently working on another one (after today's loss, it stands at three games).

How bad, exactly, are the Cubs? Let's check the numbers:

HITTING
-Worst in the NL in hits, third worst in all of baseball
-Worst in the NL in runs, second worst in all of baseball
-Worst in the NL in batting average, second worst in all of baseball
-Worst in the NL in RBI, second worst in all of baseball
-Worst in the NL in walks, third worst in all of baseball
-Worst in the NL in home runs, second worst in all of baseball
-Worst in all of baseball in on-base percentage, arguably the most important offensive stat
-Worst in all of baseball in slugging percentage
-Worst in all of baseball in OPS
-Worst in all of baseball in doubles

PITCHING
-Third worst ERA in the NL, 24th of 30 in all of baseball
-Fourth fewest saves in all of baseball (3 behind last place)
-Fourth most home runs given up in all of baseball (5 behind leader)
-Most walks given up in all of baseball

You can check sortable stats by team here.

Our defense is fairly average (in the middle of the pack in fielding percentage, errors, double plays, etc) and our baserunning is pretty spotty but not really to blame for our slide.

And of course, the most important stats of all: The Cubs are 18-28, 10 games below .500, 12.5 games out of the division lead, and own the third-worst record in the NL, ahead of Washington and Pittsburgh. After starting the year 12-7. Fantastic.


Here's what the Cubs need to do (and I'm not watching their games any more until I see some improvement):

1) STOP. WALKING. BATTERS. We walked 9 today.
2) Start hitting the ball. Be patient and stop trying to turn the month around with one swing.
3) Get the top of the order going. Juan Pierre and Ronny Cedeno are hitting miserably right now. Let's get our hottest hitters early in the lineup. How about Jacque Jones in the 2 hole?
4) Starters need to keep pitch counts down. It's hard to stay in games when your exhausted bullpen is pitching by the fourth inning.
5) Stay out of the big inning. Today the Marlins scored 5 runs in one inning, all with two outs. Inexcusable.
6) Wake up. Everything I see and hear out of this team tells me they are in a baseball coma. Get there early, eat a big lunch, perform a seance, get a new bat, whatever it takes. Start over. Get rid of your superstitions. Start acting like you're being paid MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO WIN GAMES. Let's try to get something going before DLee, Prior, and Miller are ready to go.

I love this team, but I'm almost through with them.


UPDATE: The Cubs are also last in the NL in batting average with runners in scoring position, a critical stat when you are struggling offensively. Individually, Juan Pierre is second to last with a .111 average (3-27).

Quick Hits: Yo' Momma Edition

*Happy belated Mother's Day to all the moms out there. I hope you did something relaxing on the big day this past Sunday...for my mom, it usually involves a long bike ride, dinner someplace where she doesn't have to cook, and Letterman.

Mother's Day is probably the most important of the Hallmark holidays (although I don't particularly subscribe to them) because moms are usually the most underappreciated in a family. Never has a day gone by in the last 28 years when my mom hasn't made a sacrifice for one of her kids. Putting your kids before yourself is what being a parent is all about...after all, having a child makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist. It's what you do with it once you have it that counts. Happy Mother's Day, mom.

*I was on the road last weekend in Utah and Las Vegas testing out several venues for TheBigDay in September. Big Ups to all of them:

The Wynn Hotel: Although I'll be staying at the Bellagio in September, I'll be spending time at the Wynn every time I visit Vegas. Great rooms, great light show out back at night, lots of fun to be had at Lure and Tryst, and plenty of table games for all. Auto shuffle on the $15 blackjack tables is bush league though. Believe me, I lose my money plenty fast when you have to shuffle.

Bear's Best: We're playing golf before the rehearsal dinner at this course, and it is pretty fabulous. Located 11 miles west of the strip, it is a combination of Jack Nicklaus's 18 best-designed holes in the western part of North America. Really a fun and difficult course. I didn't play too well there, but I birdied the 537-yard par-5 17th with a monster 280-yard three-wood from the fairway to the back of the green and a routine two-putt.

Entrada Golf Club at Snow Canyon: Where all of the magic is happening...golf, ceremony, pictures, and reception. TheDad stayed at the Inn, we ate at the clubhouse, and played the course. It passed all tests. Entrada is one of my all-time favorite golf courses, especially holes 15 through 18, when you're playing in the lava beds...it's like playing on the moon. The course is a Johnny Miller design managed by Troon Golf, so the course is in impeccable shape.

*The Cubs took 2 of three from the Nats this week, but Woody got rung up for 5 runs in five innings in his first start since last July. It's a long road back from shoulder and knee injuries, but we need every win right now and today didn't help. Nothing we can do but look forward to the first of two inter-city series with the hated White Sox, kicking off tomorrow afternoon.

*The uproar over hazing by the Northwestern University women's soccer team continues. I think this whole thing is much ado about nothing. News flash to all you PC Hazing Police: hazing occurs on every campus, for every sports team and every social group worth joining. Sometimes it goes too far and people get hurt or humiliated. But almost all of the time, as in the case at Northwestern, nobody was forced to do anything. Here's another bolt of wisdom: college underclassmen like getting dressed up with their teammates and drinking beers and engaging in team-building activities (even if they include R-rated skits, writing on each other, etc). I was hazed in college for both my athletic team and social institution. Some stuff I didn't like. 90% of it was really fun and purely to bring me closer to my teammates or pledge class. And it worked. Some of my fondest memories from college involve rites of initiation.

Jason Whitlock makes a great point about the Northwestern scandal in today's column: Why aren't we seeing this as gender equity? People have looked the other way for decades when fraternities and male sports teams engage in hazing involving drinking, writing on each other, sexuality, and subversion to their athletic female counterparts. Now that women are getting in on it, people are going crazy. Why isn't this okay as long as nobody on the Northwestern team complains? Look at the pictures for yourself. Does it look like these girls are being made to participate against their will? Or does it look like they are having a great time having a few drinks, ruining their white t-shirts, and running around scantily clad to the boy's soccer house? It's college. These girls are athletes at one of the most pretigious colleges in the nation. They obviously have shown that they can handle the rigors of Big 10 athletics while attending school in a demanding academic setting. Maybe we should let them take the freshman out and initiate them into the club for an evening without suspending the entire team and embarrassing them on a national stage.

*The Da Vinci Code is getting torn a new one as it debuts in Cannes and is reviewed in most major publications. Frankly, I'm not surprised. I was not impressed with the book and don't expect to be by the movie, when I catch it on HBO in a year.

*This weekend I am going to short game school to refine the most inconsistent part of my game. Gamblers in my foursome beware: when I master the tricks of Dave Pelz's trade, I will be a remorseless scoring machine. Also, BigBro and LittleBro will be in for the weekend, so we'll break in my new digs with a soiree on Saturday as a warm-up to the official housewarming to take place on Saturday of Memorial Day weekend.

Let's get a couple wins this weekend, Cubbies.
T

Maybe I'm Craaaaaaaazzzzzzzy...

New music alert (for those that are saavy with the internets, you've heard a lot of the buzz already):

DJ Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo (of Goodie Mob fame) combined to form Gnarls Barkley and have just released their first album, St. Elsewhere. It's one part hip-hop, one part R&B, one part electronica with a dash of soul. I checked it out over the weekend and really liked it.

The first single is "Crazy", (you can download it here) which is a catchy one, but there are lots of others on the album that are sure to rock your party. Go get it.

Props to LongMan for pointing out this album to me. When I break in the new facility with multiple parties this month, St. Elsewhere will definitely be in the rotation. Whoo-hoo!


UPDATE: Check out Ray LaMontagne's cover of Crazy if you like acoustic grooves. TheGirl really likes Ray LaMontagne and Ray did a good job (and quickly, too) with this song.

Big Ups to MusicMatt for finding this cover and letting me know. He is always mining the internets for new music and frequently comes up with good stuff.

UPDATE: If you're a do-it-yourselfer, like Me and LongMan, you can check the Gnarls Barkley tabs here and a discussion and some ideas on the Ray LaMontagne tabs here. Looks like Ray plays it in a different key than Cee-Lo sings it, but it's not hard either way.

Quick hits: Long Layoff Edition

Hello out there...sorry for the extended layoff. It's been a busy month, what with the beginning of the Cubs season, a big relocation, and lots of stuff at work. But the spring has sprung in Chiacago and I have a lot to look forward to in the coming weeks and months. Here we go:

1) The Cubs Suck: We're in mired in a 7-game losing streak right now, starting with the finale of the homestand on May 2 and including an 0-6 road trip out west so far. We're finding all sorts of ways to lose, but the common thread is no offense. We've scored 8 runs in the last 7 games, including 5 games when we've scored zero or one run. We simply can't get anything going on offense. We're also careless on the base paths (Jacque Jones), can't hit cutoff men (Juan Pierre), and our rotation is struggling too. I don't know what the solution is. I suppose we have to just wait until DLee, Woody, Prior, and Miller return to the active roster. Woody has sparkled in his rehab starts, and looks to be ready to go after one more minor league outing. What can I say? It's the same, disappointing swoon, just a different year. Offering correspondant GRide returned from the first part of his Cubs road trip without seeing a victory. Not good.

2) I've Relocated: Last week I finally bit the bullet and moved in with TheGirl; we'll be living in sin until the end of September when I make it against the law for her to sleep with other men. We moved into the hip Southport Corridor, which is teeming with bars, restaurants, and other fun stuff to do. The residents of my neighborhood are much older than my previous spot, but it's just as lively and I've really been pleasantly surprised. The nightlife surrounding my new place is much better than before, we're still close to public transportation, and we're closer to Wrigley Field. Our new place is spacious, light, and well-appointed. I had a lot of reservations about moving in with TheGirl (never lived with a significant other before), but I'm happy with the new digs. I'm breaking it in on May 20th when my brothers visit Chicago and we have a small gathering, and our official housewarming party is Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. Should be a rager.

3) Iran: Apparently the diplomatic letter sent to the Man In Charge wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Not surprising. All I've heard from the government in Tehran makes me think that they are not capable of rational discourse, but very capable of making life difficult for us and our allies if we are aggressive toward their sovereignty. That's called a rock and a hard place. Let's hope that cooler heads prevail (in the US, Iran, and Israel) and we don't end up trying to turn Tehran into a parking lot and ending up with two quagmires in the middle east. One is enough.

4) Bonds Is One Away from the Babe: And he is getting exactly what he deserves. I don't think anyone would take the opportunity to break a hallowed baseball record if it came at the price he is paying. He'll live the rest of his life with the cloud of a cheater hanging over his head, and he'll never be able to blame anyone but himself (although he's adept at trying). I really hope he doesn't hit 714 or 715 against the Cubs this weekend, but you have to think that there is an excellent chance with the way things are going for the Cubs these days.

5) Vegas, Baby: I'm heading to Vegas the day after tomorrow for a long weekend with TheGirl, TheDad, and TheInLaws. It should be a blast...we're test-driving our rehearsal dinner spot on Thursday night, staying at the Wynn Hotel, and playing some golf at two world-renowned golf courses. What's not to love? I'm looking forward to getting back out there (haven't been since Thanksgiving) and enjoying the bright lights of Sin City and the red rocks of Utah all in the same weekend.

Have a great week everyone.
T